I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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