question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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