I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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