I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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