You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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