I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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