if i can run in heels then i can drive
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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