Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My first STD was from a foam party
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
