she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
