if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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