I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
