I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
