the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Randomize
