I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
that is very illegal...i love you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
