it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
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So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
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Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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