So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
