they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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