I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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