i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
