just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
