I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
