physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
