At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
