I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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