spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
