how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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