My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
