I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
