Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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