The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so let's talk penis.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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