you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
