loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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