I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
