Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
