I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
