We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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