The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
