whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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