Screwed.edu
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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