The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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