i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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