I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
