I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
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These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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