My balls are so social today.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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