At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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