I think I died a long time ago.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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