I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
