this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
