I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
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she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She's the barista slut.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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