We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
