You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
