So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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