is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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