bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
