accomplished twins. life is a go
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
