I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
