last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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