I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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