My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
