There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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