Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize