My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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