I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
