Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
