I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize