Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
