its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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