Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
