I think my vagina is haunted
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
