Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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