drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
