Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
