i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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