I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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