You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
