I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
