i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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