She went from zero to smokin in five shots
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
