it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
