i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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