Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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