I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
