My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
