obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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