My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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