Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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