i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
